


Thayvian Technique

by LD_Little_Dragon



Category: Baldur's Gate
Genre: F/M, Humour, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 20:16:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2201673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LD_Little_Dragon/pseuds/LD_Little_Dragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A silly, raunchy tale set in SOA. Can the arrogant Red Wizard live up to his boasts or is his mighty staff just a little stick?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mutual Insults

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: all characters,settings,ect. are taken from the game Baldur's Gate SOA and belong to Bioware or whomever with the exception of Thima who is my own creation. Crudity and some sex, minors should go away now. I am not getting paid for any of this and am writing purely for the fun of it.
> 
> Rated R for vulgarity and gratuitous sex scenes

"Greetings, I am Edwin Odesseiron. You simians may refer to me merely as 'Sir', if you prefer a less...syllable intensive workout."

Thima looked at the arrogant twit in front of her and only one thought crossed her mind. _Why me? I'm kidnapped by an insane mage who wants ta fuck wi' me body and mind 'cause me ma shagged the god of murder. I fight me way out of his clutches only ta have me darlin' stepsister Imoen snatched away from under me nose. I need ta get cash ta find Imoen and that's why I'm here workin' with th' most annoyin' wizard I've ever met_. She looked at her companions. Jaheira the uptight druid, Anomen the priggish warrior-priest, and Korgan the decidedly non-priggish dwarf. All of them looked ready to strangle the wizard in front of them.

"Alright squidbrain, let's get somethin' straight right now." Thima said, waving a fist under Edwin's nose. "I'm workin' for yer boss, not for yerself. Ye don' talk down ta me or I'll rip that pretty lil' nosering of yers right outta yer head."

"The little girl wants to play does she?" He said with a sneer. "You cannot hope to match the stunning intellect of Edwin Odesseiron. (Simpering monkey-brain.)"

Thima walked close to the wizard and pressed close to him so her breasts touched his chest. She smiled when he shivered. "Ye have to remember one thing Eddie," she said. "A wizard is only as good as his staff. Don' cross me," she ran a hand down the wizard's chest and kept going until she reached his crotch. She felt his body start to respond to her touch as his eyes unfocused and his breathing quickened. _Oh yes_ , she thought, _all men are idiots when their blood flows downwards._ Thima then squeezed hard and Edwin gave a little yelp. "Don' cross me," she repeated, "or ye'll be a very sorry wizard indeed."

Later, after Thima and her companions had offed Edwin's boss for a substantial reward she let Edwin join her troupe. Anomen almost had a stroke sputtering about evil wizards.

"And, my lady," the priest had whispered, red-faced. "Have you heard the tales about those Thayvian wizards?"

"Why no, do tell." Thima said innocently.

"It's said they spend as much time studying the er ... baser acts between men and women as they do studying magic."

"Masters o' tantric magic? Sounds right good ta' me." Thima answered, licking her lips.

"My lady!" Anomen gasped in horror. "You should not jest of such things."

"Ain't no pansy mage can match the lusty wiles o' Korgan th' dwarf. Ain't that right sweetheart?" Korgan said snaking a hand up Jaheira's thigh.

Thwack! Jaheira slammed her staff onto Korgan's head. "Filthy creature. Touch me again and I'll pull your stunted cock out by the roots and stick it up your own ass."

"Oh look guys, th' priest just fainted. Funtime's over, I'm goin' ta bed." Thima said, getting up and leaving the druid and the dwarf glaring at each other.

Thima was feeling very excited. Something about the wizard just made her knees shake. She shed her clothes and began pleasuring herself. _Umm, that cute little beard, those long graceful fingers_. Thima was very glad she had copped a feel. _Oooh, and those deep red robes he wears, I'll bet he never takes them off **ever**_. _Oh yes_ , Thima thought once her breathing had slowed, _I think I'll like havin' Eddie in th' party. Just 'cause a girl's fightin' for her life doesna mean she canna have a little fun_. _Though_ , she smiled wickedly, _I think I'll make him wait a while first. That ego o' his doesna' need feedin'._


	2. De'Arnise Diversions

A local noble, Nalia de'Arnise, hired Thima and her crew to clear her home of an invasion of monsters. Thima didn't mind the fighting but she was sorry she had let Nalia tag along. Nalia was currently whining because Thima was taking whatever treasure she could find.

"But that's a family heirloom!"

"We're riskin' our butts ta save your home an' family. Ye canna even promise us a decent amount of money. Of course we're gonna take whatever we can get our hands on."

"Damn right!" Korgan said from deep within a chest he was rooting through. "Course if ya gots a problem wi' that we could just leave ya for the hungry critters I hear rootin' around next door."

"No, no that's all right. Just save my father."

"Whiny brat," Edwin muttered under his breath. "Your father have red hair?"

"Yes! Do you see him?"

"There's a head in the corner of the dungeon over there, that him?"

Nalia looked downcast until Thima patted her on the head and pointed out that she was now the ruler of the de'Arnise lands. She brightened a little and offered to let the group stay a few days. They eagerly took advantage of the comforts the castle afforded. Thima was currently enjoying herself going through the de'Arnise library. She particularly liked the series titled "Obscure and Previously Unknown Mating Rituals of the Lesser Known Races of the Realms", the pictures were very informative. Edwin was in another corner of the library flipping through magic lore books and muttering about Nether Scrolls.

Korgan came trotting through the library. "Probably headin' ta Jaheira's room," Thima remarked.

"I wager he'll be limping back in less than five minutes. (Fool dwarf, so many willing concubines and he wastes his time with a frigid bitch.)" Edwin said, barely taking his nose out of his book.

"Here he comes already." Thima said as a frantically scratching Korgan came running into the library.

"The damn druid cast 'flea plague' on me."

"Ha! Be glad it wasna' 'decay'. Ye know where Jaheira would target that one." Thima was chuckling to herself as Korgan headed off for the bathhouse. She didn't notice Edwin come up behind her and see the book she was reading.

"You know," he remarked, almost making Thima jump in surprise. "If you're interested in such things you could ask for none better than myself to initiate you into the ways of men and women. I've left many a concubine gasping after my erotic onslaught."

"Get over yerself Eddie." Thima said, then her eyes widened as she realized something. "Initiate! Eddie ye don' think I'm a virgin do ya?"

He looked puzzled, "you did grow up in an isolated library filled with old men."

Thima started laughing, "I grew up in an isolated library filled with **horny** old men and a scarcity of women. They was all over me as soon as I was old enough." She laughed so hard her eyes started to water. "Virgin! Heh, heh, heh."

His eyes widened, "you and the pink one?"

"Imoen? Nah, she overdosed on those silly romance books. She thinks th' ultimate sexual experience is ta have a knight kneel at her feet reciting stupid verses about her beauty." Thima moved closer to Edwin and put her hands on his chest. "Me on th' other hand, I know better."

She reached up and pulled his head down and kissed him hungrily. So much fer makin' him wait, she thought. He brought his hands down to her hips and thrust his tongue into her mouth. Thima met his tongue with hers, and her breathing quickened. His hands moved up under her shirt, and she leaned into the warmth of his touch on her breasts. Edwin lightly teased one hardening nipple and Thima pressed her body close to his. She could feel his growing erection through their clothes, and moved her mouth to nibble on his ear. He bent her back until she was lying on the reading table, and pulled her short skirt up. Thima automatically lifted her hips to help him slide her underwear off, and then started moaning inarticulately as Edwin's fingers reached for her pussy. She ran her hands through his thick, black hair, and curled her fingers with pleasure when he started pushing two fingers into her vagina. Soon Edwin had one hand caressing Thima's breast, while the other one was making little circular motions around her clit. He paused a moment, and Thima sighed with frustration.

"Don' stop, please," Thima begged, and Edwin rubbed her nub faster until she came with a shudder of release. She opened her eyes, and saw the wizard open his robes and release his thick, throbbing penis. _Oh no, what is he doing? Silly twit, what do ya think. _"Eddie wait a minute. I don' have a potion of prevent pregnancy. Ye don' have one do ya?"__

"Mmmphf, fuck," he mumbled.

"Aww, don' worry Eddie, I won' leave ya in that state." Thima got up and kneeled in front of the trembling wizard. She started kissing and licking his swollen cock. She ran her tongue up and down the shaft, pausing a moment to play with the tip. He leaned back against the table as his hands gripped the edge. He started moaning and Thima took her mouth away and worked her hand up and down the length of his cock as his hips moved back and forth in rhythm. He gave a cry and ejaculated with a force that surprised Thima. _Sheese, good thing I dinna try to swallow that, _she thought.__

"Feelin' better Eddie?" She asked a moment later, smiling. The wizard was panting and didn't answer.

"Guess th' maids will have ta clean that up. Oh well, guess they're used to it judgin' by th' type of books those lordly people keep in this library." Thima remarked, looking at the wet spots on the floor.


	3. Nether Scrolls and Nether Regions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: this chapter has stong sexual suggestions, pronoun confusion, two physiological women in bed together and a gender change (all based on Bioware's ideas, really).

_This is gettin' annoyin'_ , Thima thought as she found herself facing yet another mummy. Her group was currently making their way through the dusty catacombs below the Athkatla graveyard districts. Not only were they faced with the darkness and a host of nasty traps but the place was also crawling with undead creatures. _Bloody damn fool wizards_ , Thima hissed as she whacked the walking corpse's arm off; _an' their damn fool obsessions_ , she thought while she cut its head off and put a foot up to kick the body over. Thima had been looking forward to spending time with Edwin but he had become obsessed with finding something called a Nether Scroll. _So much fer Thayvian lustfulness, the darn wizard is ignorin' me 'cause of some ancient scrap o' paper. And here I am indulgin' the fool by trottin' around in these bloody tombs lookin' fer his cursed scroll._

Thima wasn't any happier after they retrieved the Nether Scroll. It had been guarded by a lich of all things; something Edwin had neglected to mention. _How can you forget about a dangerous undead magician_? As they left the tombs, Edwin was already poring over his new toy; nearly walking into more than one obstacle. Thima sighed and looked over at Korgan. _Maybe I should try ta pry th' dwarf away from th' druid. Nah, he reminds me too much o' me old fightin' instructor Brugan Ironclaw, it just wouldn' seem right._

After a couple of days where nothing much happened, the wizard called everyone into his room. He was very excited and wanted everyone to see the transformation spell he had deciphered from the Nether Scroll. Edwin said it would give him great power; the transformation was similar to the one that turned a mage into a lich.

"A lich!" Thima protested. "Ye wan' ta turn yerself inta a livin', rottin' corpse. Stupid nit." She looked him over and sighed. "Don' forget what th' lich said ta th' courtesan."

"What was that?" Edwin said distractedly.

"Keep th' tip."

Korgan started laughing while Jaheira just looked disgusted. Anomen was thoroughly confused. Edwin ignored them all and began casting his spell. There was a blinding flash of light. Once their vision cleared they all looked at the figure in red that was standing in front of them where Edwin had been. Everyone was speechless with shock. Well, everyone except Korgan, he fell over roaring with laughter.

"Nice rack wizard." Korgan said in between howls. He was right, Thima thought. Before them stood a stunning example of lush womanhood. The wizard had managed to transform himself into a woman. He had expanded so much in the chest area that his robes had split open displaying large, rounded breasts. He had nice shapely hips too.

"This is bad." Edwin said looking down at himself. "Although, they are a nice pair at that. Wait, if I have breasts then that means I no longer have ..." he grabbed his crotch. "Oh no, no, noooo!"

_Don' laugh_ , Thima thought.

"Perhaps it's nature's way of preserving the balance." Jaheira said.

"Balance! What do you mean by balance! I'm a fucking woman!" Edwin protested in a surprisingly sultry voice.

"You may have been meant to be a woman." Jaheira observed smirking. "I never thought you were much of a manly man."

"Aaaargh!" The wizard groaned and frantically cast a dispel magic on himself. "Damn, it won't work."

_Don' laugh_ , Thima thought. _Edwin doesna think it's funny_.

"What are you staring at helmet head?" Edwin asked Anomen who was staring fixedly at his exposed breasts with his mouth hanging open.

"Nothing! I...I am not seeing those lovely rounded...no...I do not have lustful thoughts...I...I am a knight and a gentleman and...and Helm protect your servant!" Anomen rushed out of the room and the sounds of his fervent prayers could be heard in the distance.

_That's just too much_ , Thima thought, and started laughing. "Hee, hee, hee, I'm sorry Eddie, really." She took a minute to get her giggling under control. "We'll help ya, hee, hee, get back ta yer real self. We'll try th' temples and see if they can remove th' curse."

Unfortunately, the curse on Edwin was too strong to be removed by normal means and the wizard was beginning to despair. Thima decided she would have to convince Edwin that being a woman wasn't all bad. That night Thima waited until everyone had gone to sleep then made her way to the transformed wizards' room. The door had been magically sealed but Thima dispelled the lock and quietly entered the room. _I figured as much_ , she thought, grinning. The newly female wizard was stretched out on his bed busily exploring his body.

"Wan' some help Eddie?" Thima asked, making the wizard freeze in embarrassment. "I don' usually like women but yer such a luscious lil' bundle." Thima shed her clothes and went over to Edwin who sat up and hesitantly looked Thima over then reached out to embrace her. Thima kissed Edwin tenderly at first but quickly moved to more passionate caresses. Thima was eager to show Edwin what pleasure a woman can have, and soon had her fingers playing up and down his thighs getting closer to his pussy. Edwin's legs parted automatically and Thima brought her head down and began to lick his enticing lips. She went slowly at first, allowing the wizard to adjust to the new sensations, then she thrust her tongue into Eddie's sweet cleft and heard him moan with pleasure. Edwin held Thimas' head down and ground his pussy upwards. Thima obliged by licking and stroking his pleasure bud until Edwin experienced his first female orgasm.

"See Eddie? It's not so bad bein' a woman." Thima said as she moved to kiss Edwin, giving the wizard a taste of his own juices. He just grinned and then moved to take Thima's nipple into his mouth. Pretty soon it was Thima's turn to have Edwin's face buried between her legs. _Oh my,_ Thima thought happily, _now this he is very good at._

A very long time later, they were lying spent and entwined with other and Edwin breathed into Thima's ear, "As much fun as this has been, I cannot wait until we are together as man and woman." _Is that so?_ Thima thought, and smiled as she remembered something she had seen for sale at the Adventurer's Mart.

Thima was humming happily to herself as she looked over the display of magical items at the Adventurer's Mart. _Let's see_ , she thought, _girdle of strength, girdle of piercin', girdle of bluntness, ah there's the one I wan'_. She took a quick look around then deftly slid the belt she wanted into her backpack. She giggled when she returned to the inn and slipped an arm around Edwin's waist. "I brought ya somethin', " she whispered.

"A present? What is it? Can I see it now?" Edwin asked eagerly.

"I was gonna get ya a furry loincloth fer battledress but I foun' somethin' better. Jus' you wait until tonight."

"Okay, Eddie, outta those clothes," Thima ordered as she walked into the wizardess' room that night. Edwin was only too happy to obey and stripped slowly, giving Thima a show. Thima shed her own clothes then took out her prize. Edwin squealed and pounced on it.

"A girdle of gender change!" He said happily and immediately strapped it on. He looked downcast when nothing happened.

"I din' think it would be that easy Eddie." Thima said as she reached over to retrieve the girdle.

"Then what did you get it for?" Edwin asked crossly.

"You'll see, here drink this," Thima said as she handed a silver potion bottle to Edwin.

He drank and grimaced, "what was that?"

"Potion of prevent pregnancy," Thima answered and strapped on the girdle of gender change. She looked down and smiled at her new body. _Nice,_ she thought, _lean and strong and, oh dear, my cock seems a little small. Well, hope it works at least._ Thima looked at a shocked Edwin, and felt her penis start to stir. 

"No, no, no. I will not." Edwin protested.

"But Eddie, ye said ya wanted us ta be together as man an' woman."

"Me man, you woman." He growled.

Thima pouted, "but a Red Wizard should be open ta all experiences. Ye don' wan' ta ruin yer reputation do ya?" She waited a moment but Edwin didn't say anything. "Of course if yer afraid ta try new things..."

"I am never afraid! I am a great and powerful wizard! I can handle anything!"

"Then handle this," Thima said as she walked over and placed Edwin's hand on her cock. His face flushed, and he jerked his hand away. "Awww, Eddie!" Thima protested, this was going to take longer than she had thought. "I'm still me ya know, jus' lie back an' close yer eyes."

Thima began fondling Edwin's breasts. She sucked first one nipple, and then the other, until both were hard, then trailed a hand down his stomach and finally to his pussy. Edwin's eyes were firmly shut, but he was starting to relax and moaned a little when Thima stroked his pussy lips. Thima meant to go slowly, but her cock was so hard now it almost hurt, and she wanted nothing more than to enter Him. _Now, how does this work,_ Thima wondered as she knelt over him. She thrust forward with her turgid cock, but missed the hole and cursed. She brought her hand down and guided her cock into Edwin's opening. He gasped when the head slid into his vagina, and Thima couldn't believe how good it felt, so soft and warm. She was eager for more, and thrust forwards, but hit a barrier. Groaning with desire, Thima pounded into the barrier hard and broke through; burying her penis deep in Edwin's cunt and making him gasp. Thima was panting and moaning as she pumped his cock furiously in and out of Edwin.

"Get off me you grunting ape," Edwin said a couple of minutes later when Thima had finished and collapsed on top on him.

"Huh?" Thima said focusing on the wizard. _Oh dear_ , she thought. "Eddie? Are ya cryin' ?"

"Course not," he sniffled.

"I'm sorry Eddie, I never figured ya fer a virgin an' this body kinda took me over."

"I am not a virgin!" Edwin declared with a touch of his old fire. "At least not in my right body."

"Not in that one either. Not anymore." Thima said a little thoughtlessly.

"Brute," He huffed.

"Eddie, don' call me an ape or a brute anymore. See, normally it would make me feel bad but this body seems ta like th' idea of bein' a brute." Thima's cock was indeed starting to stir again. Edwin turned away in a sulk. "I remember my firs' time, I forgot how much it hurts. It's better th' second time, really."

"Don't touch me."

"At least let me clean that up for you." Thima bent down to the wizard's thighs, and began licking away all traces of blood. By the time she had cleaned up his pussy Edwin surprisingly found himself getting aroused again.

"How 'bout if I let you get on top. I won' move or nothin'. Would ya like that Eddie?" Thima asked, eager to get inside Edwin again.

Edwin was agreeable and got astride Thima. He teased him by stroking her nipples and reaching back to play with her balls. She groaned and tried to push her cock up against him, but he moved away and smiled down at her. He leaned forwards and kissed Thima, exploring her mouth with his tongue. Thima was gripping the bed and forcing herself not to reach up and touch the tantalizing body over her. After what seemed an agonizingly long time Edwin eased himself onto Thimas' cock and began moving slowly up and down. Thima loved the feel of Edwin's tight passage rubbing against her penis and it took a great deal of effort for her to hold back and not climax. _I can',_ she thought, _it's not fair ta Eddie, but why won' he hurry up already_

"Eddie hurry up will ya?" Thima finally managed to gasp. "I can' hold out much longer."

"I don't know why it won't work." Edwin panted.

"Why don' ya try this?" Thima said and guided one of Edwin's hands to his clit. "Jus' play wi' it a bit."

Edwin shuddered and finally came. Thima was relieved and began thrusting upwards, anxious to get to her own finish, but Edwin had stopped moving. Frustrated, Thima rolled over and lifted Edwin's legs up. She pushed hard and fast until both Edwin and she were moaning. Finally she orgasmed and had the sense to roll over beside the wizard this time, and not collapse on top of him.

"Will you take that girdle off now?" Was all Edwin said.


	4. Back To Normal

Even the most feared Bhallspawn must sometimes work for her money. With this in mind, Thima and her crew were making their way through the wilds to the town of Trademeet. The town was being attacked by wild animals and had promised Thima a large reward if she could put a stop to it. She was bored by the endless tracks of forests that lined the road and started wishing for orcs or something to attack them; just to break the monotony. No orcs made an appearance, but Thima was startled to see an impeccable dressed, bald, little man with brilliant red robes suddenly appear at the edge of the road.

"Where th' fuck did ye come from?" she asked politely.

"I am Degardan and I am looking for Edwin, a long-winded bag of gas," he said and Thima saw the currently female Edwin frantically shaking his head no as he stood behind Degardan.

"What do ya wan' him for?"

"He's wanted by the Red Wizards for crimes against Thay. The self-serving worm has gone rogue. There is a fantastic reward for any information leading to his capture."

"How big a reward?" Korgan asked excitedly. Thima stomped on his foot.

"Nope, don' think we know him, too bad though, kinda like th' thought o' a reward." Thima didn't think the wizard believed her, but to her relief, he just gave her a strange look then left.

"So yer not a Red Wizard anymore, Eddie?" Thima asked.

"Of course I am, it's all just a minor misunderstanding," Edwin protested, but no one believed him.

"If the Thayvians have cast you out, evil one," Anomen stated as he glared at the wizard, "then you must have done something very depraved indeed."

"They probably kicked him out for bein' a prude. Or for havin' a hair fetish," Thima said.

Edwin was livid at this remark. "I am not a prude!"

"Nah? Then why'd ya swipe that girdle of gender change and sell it?"

"Never mind that, (some people should never be male), what did you mean by 'hair fetish'?"

"Isn't it th' fashion in Thay fer nobility ta shave their heads?"

"So what if it is? I owe it to my adoring admirers to look my best."

"Never mind Eddie, I like yer hair. Let's move on," Thima said, and the party continued on their way.

They arrived at Trademeet just in time to join in a fight. There were a bunch of crazed wild animals attacking the city gates. The Trademeet guards were strangely hostile even though Thima had helped to kill the animals. She told them to be nice or she would not help them for any reward amount. Finally, the guards let the group in, though they looked crossly at Jaheira. It seemed the townspeople blamed Druids for their problems. Since Jaheira was a druid, she was not warmly welcomed by the locals.

They were crossing the well-paved courtyard, just past the gates, when Degardan came up to them again. "Greetings again, friends of Edwin," he said. _Darn_ Thima thought. _Should have just gone for the fantastic reward when we had the chance_.

"Did you think to fool me with a simple gender change spell?" Degardan said with a sneer as he threw a spell at Edwin.

"Aaah!" Edwin said as a silvery glimmer surrounded him. He stood there, puzzled, when the spell did not destroy him. He looked down at himself and grinned, he was male again! he reached down and fondled himself quickly, and then turned to Degardan. "Cured!" Edwin gloated. "Cured of that wretched curse, Degardan, I owe you more than I can ever repay." Edwin then disintegrated Degardan on the spot.

That is, Edwin tried to disintegrate Degardan. His spell didn't quite work, but Degarden was distracted, and Thima and the others were able to kill him.

"That wasn' nice, Eddie," Thima said, as she looked at the body of the unfortunate bounty hunter.

"He wanted to kill me!" Edwin protested. "But I'll always remember him fondly." He leered at Thima, then kissed her passionately. He was just starting to work his way under her shirt when Jaheira tapped him on the shoulder.

"Perhaps you two should get a room before you mate in the street," Jaheira pointed out.

"Better they should pray for the strength to resist such unholy urges," Anomen advised. No one paid any attention to him.

"First, we should see that Lord Logan character that runs this place," Korgan said as he eyed the gathering townspeople sourly. "He better call off these vultures, 'cause anyone who lays a hand on Jaheira is goin' to lose it."

Lord Logan greeted them with more friendliness than the other Trademeet people. He was quite happy to send them off to the nearby druid grove to try to fix matters. Thima tried to get him to pay her in advance, but, for some reason, Lord Logan didn't want to trust her. He also sent them to talk to a druid named Cernd who claimed to have been sent to investigate the bad behaviour of the local druids. Cernd had been attacked by the townspeople and Logan put him in prison to protect him. Thima thought he seemed nice enough, if a little boring.

"Okay, we'll take ya wi' us when we go ta th' druid grove tomorrow," Thima said after talking to Cernd. "But for tonight I wan' a bath an' a proper bed."

"I am afraid no innkeeper in town will allow me to stay," Cernd said apologetically. "Like the worms that burrow in the ground; they are blind and cannot see beyond their little holes. Rejoice, friends, for tonight we shall sleep in the midst of beauteous nature."

"How's about you stay in this prison an' we'll come get ya in th' mornin'?" Thima said. Even Jaheira was agreeable with leaving Cernd behind; if it meant the party could stay in an inn.

They were soon feasting at a comfortable inn. Edwin kept fidgeting and making, not so subtle, hints that they should retire for the night. Thima insisted on bathing before retiring to their room for the night. She sent a protesting Edwin off to bathe alone, since the bath house was a communal one, and Thima was not in an exhibitionist mood.

"So why don' ya give th' dwarf a break?" Thima asked Jaheira as they dried themselves off after joyously scrubbing away a week's worth of dirt.

Jaheira snorted. "Some of us have standards, child. I'd sooner mate with a zombie."

"Suit yerself, but ya need ta get a little somethin' or ye'll turn inta a crabby bitch full-time stead o' part-time." Thima shot over her shoulder as she hurried out of the bath house.

_Now it's time ta get properly laid_ , Thima thought, as she hurried to the room she had rented with the restored Edwin. "Hi Eddie, been waitin' long?" Thima asked, as she ran into the room and jumped onto Edwin's lap.

"Certainly not," he replied, placing a scroll on the arm of the chair he was sitting in. He was about to say more when Thima kissed him and started tugging his robe open. "Move to the bed?" He mumbled when his mouth was freed.

Thima dragged him over to the bed and bagan pulling off her clothes. Edwin followed quickly and soon had her moaning as he stretched out beside her, and skillfully ran his fingers from her breasts to her pussy and back again. She kissed and licked his stomach as she travelled down towards his shaft. Sadly, she found something amiss. "Hey Eddie, shouldn' ye be gettin' excited?" Thima asked, holding a disappointedly limp cock.

"Must be a side effect of that curse," he mumbled, embarrassed. Edwin decided to distract Thima and started playing with her moist pussy. She was soon writhing as he fingered her to orgasm. Unfortunately for Edwin, that only made Thima more eager than before.

"Anythin'?" Thima said hopefully.

"Nothing." He answered, downcast.

"I got a special scroll of flesh ta wood that should help but I don' like usin' it. Th' darn things are expensive," Thima said as she searched through her scroll case. She gave a cry of triumph when she found the right spell and immediately proceeded to cast it.

_Tha's more like it,_ Thima thought, less than a minute later, as Edwin's stiff cock started to penetrate her vagina. She sighed with pleasure as he slid into her moist tunnel. She revelled in the sensations as his thick penis filled her and he slowly plunged in and out. Thima ran her fingers down his back and lifted her hips to try to get his cock deeper inside her. She was just starting to moan when suddenly he stopped. _Wha' th' fuck?_ She thought, then cursed as he spurted inside her. 

"Awww, Eddie," Thima protested.

"Whoops, sorry," he said sheepishly.

"Are ya sure ye've done this before?"


	5. Druid Rituals

"Hey Jaheira," Thima asked as she swatted another mosquito. "I know druids are supposed ta love nature an' all but why th' fuck can' they hole up in a nice meadow or somethin'. This swamp is vile."

"All parts of mother earth are beautiful. Even the lowliest maggot has a part to play in the grand scheme of things." The party's newest member, the druid Cernd, said.

"I wasn' talkin' ta ye nature-boy. Would ya quit wi' the stupid sayin's already?"

"He does have a point, child," Jaheira sighed. "The actual druid grove is hidden deep within this swamp. The druids do not live in the swamp proper."

"Whatever, let's just find th' crazed druids fast an' get outta this cursed place." Thima said, wondering why she had ever agreed to this in the first place. _Th' pay had damn well better be worth this_ , she thought, as her foot sank ankle deep in black mud.

They were all muddy and tired when they finally reached the druid grove. Thima was also extremely irritated, and looking forwards to killing some druids. She was disappointed to learn that the grove had been subverted by it's new leader, Faldorn, and only she had to die in order to get the druids to act properly again. Worse, Druid rules said only another druid could challenge the leader to single combat, which meant Thima wasn't even going to get to fight Faldorn. Jaheira was prepared to fight the druid leader, but Thima pointed out that the Cernd fellow was the one sent to fix the druid problem, and he should challenge first.

"Sides," Thima pointed out to Jaheira. "If he dies ye can fight her next an' even that weakling Cernd should be able ta hurt her a little."

Jaheira berated Thima for her callous remarks, but had to admit that Cernd, as the official representative of the Druids, had the right to challenge Faldorn first. They walked warily into the druid grove proper, and Cernd issued a formal challenge. Faldorn sneered and was more than willing to fight Cernd.

_Holy shit_ , Thima thought, a few minutes later. They were standing on the edge of the arena where Cernd and the druid leader were fighting, and Cernd had just surprised them all by shapeshifting into a werewolf. Faldorn's look of contempt had quickly changed to one of fear. _Would ya look at that_ , Thima thought, _he's so big an' hairy, an' look at those muscles. Oh my, he's fast an' strong an'_ , Thima craned her neck, _yep, what he's got between his legs is just as gorgeous as th' rest o' him_.

"Would you stop drooling?" Edwin hissed into Thima's ear. "You look ridiculous."

"I'm not drooling," Thima mumbled through her saliva.

The fight was soon over and the victorious Cernd wasted no time in declaring the druid grove as his. His first command was for the Druids to stop misbehaving and leave the Trademeet people alone. _That was easy_ , Thima thought. Then she was surprised when the druids pushed her, Edwin, Anomen, and Korgan out of the grove.

"What's goin' on?" Thima asked. "I thought everything was fixed now."

"The grove has been defiled by the actions of that despicable Faldorn creature," Jaheira explained. "It must be sanctified now by the most holy of druid rituals. We must reinforce the connection between druid and nature in this place."

"Can we stay an' watch?" Thima asked, curious.

"Sorry, druids only," Jaheira said, and went back into the grove.

"Well darn," Thima said as she saw the druids put magic seals around their grove. "I'd kinda like ta see those secret druid rituals."

"Ask and ye shall receive," said Edwin smugly. "I left a wizard eye in there, let's just set up a portal on this rock and see what they're up to." He proceeded to do just that and the group stood in a semicircle to watch the show. They looked on curiously as the portal swirled with a riot of colours and the images of the inside of the Druid grove slowly came into focus.

"Aaah! It burns my eyes!" Anomen yelled, and hid his face in his hands. "Such evil, such depravity!" He looked up, screeched, and then ran off into the woods.

Korgan's reaction wasn't much better. His eyes bugged out and he ran back to the grove entrance screaming for Jaheira, and begging to be let in.

"Think he'll get through?" Thima asked without taking her eyes off the display.

"No, the druid's seals are too strong," Edwin answered absently.

Thima watched the mass of writhing figures for a moment. It was hard to picture Jaheira as part of the orgy taking place in the druid grove. "Do ya see Jaheira?"

"Hmm," Edwin said coming up behind Thima and placing a hand on her shoulder. "That looks like her wolf form over there."

"So it is." Thima watched, fascinated as she saw Jaheira shift from wolf to human to wolf again. "How does she do that? Especially when that one's fuckin' her at th' same time?"

Thima was getting turned on, and it seemed she wasn't the only one. She felt Edwin's hands pushing up her skirt. She moaned and leaned back as she felt his stiff cock pushing between her thighs. "Now," Edwin whispered in her ear and Thima felt the same urgency. He pushed her down and soon Thima was on her hands and knees with her underwear down around her ankles. She felt Edwin's cock nudge her pussy and thrust back against it. He grabbed her hips and drove his cock deep into her dripping cunt, making them both gasp.

"I hope yer, unn, not thinkin' of, oooh, Jaheira," Thima said.

"Course not," he said as he kept his eyes focused on the portal.


	6. Demon Lust

With the Trademeet reward, Thima had enough money to pay the fee to find Imoen. More precisely, she paid for passage to the magic Asylum, Spellhold, where Imoen was being held. With the aid of her group, Thima fought her way to the gates of Spellhold. She was very disappointed to find out all her trouble had been for nothing; Irenicus had taken over the asylum, and allowed her to reach him. _Th' damn mage ambushed us, an' stole my soul. At least we got Imoen back_. The group, now including Imoen, had managed to claw their way out of the depths of Spellhold's dungeons, only to have Irenicus flee from them and disappear. _Arrgh, another bloody chase, why won' th' villains just stay put?_

The only good thing, in Thima's opinion, was that while escaping from Spellhold, she found out that, without her soul, Thima could now channel the essence of her divine father, and turn into a really neat, fanged and pincer clawed, demon. _Though_ , Thima thought, _it is irritatin' that Eddie wants ta fuck th' demon. Ev'ry night he has ta bring it up._

"No Eddie," Thima said yet again.

"Just the once, for me?" Edwin begged.

"Eddie, I don' have full control over my demon form. Ye'll probably jus' be torn ta pieces."

Imoen had listened to Edwin's pleas, and grow more and more disgusted. "How can you even think of such depravity," she scolded. "Thima, you should be horrified that such evil lies within you. You know that thing you turn into, the slayer, was an avatar of Bhaal himself!" She gasped as she thought of her own Bhaal blood. "Oh dear, suppose I become the slayer as well?"

"Never fear that, my lady!" Anomen cheerfully said to Imoen. "A maiden as virtuous and beautiful as you could never harbour such an evil beast within."

"Are ye insultin' me priest?" Thima threatened.

"Er, no, my lady. I only meant that Imoen is an innocent and you er ..."

"Are not?" she said, and arched an eyebrow. Anomen flushed, and stammered an unconvincing denial. Thima thumped the unhappy priest on the shoulder and grinned. "Don' worry about it, I couldn' stand bein' as pure as that delicate lil' flower there. Ye don' get ta have as much fun."

"Yar! She's got th' right o' it there!" Korgan said happily, and leered at Jaheira. "Though I wouldn't mind being purified by some sacred druid rituals." Korgan ducked fast when Jaheira swung her staff at him.

Edwin remained fixated on the demon, and when the group stopped to rest in an inn, he dragged Thima into their room, and once again tried to convince her to change to the slayer.

"It's not a good idea, Eddie."

"It will be safe. I can cast a domination spell on the slayer if I have to," Edwin explained.

"Forget it."

"Aww," he said pleadingly. "Don't you want to know what a demon orgasm is like?"

"Fine!" Thima gave up. "But don' blame me if it don' work. An' we're goin' ta talk about yer taste in females later."

Thima called on the power of Bhaal and felt herself change. She grew taller and stronger and her senses expanded. Her mind was partially clouded by demonic instincts, and she searched the room for danger. The slayer dimly recognized the little mage in front of her as an ally, and not food. He looked at her with a wide grin. She saw him drop his robes and display an impressive erection. _The little one wanted to mate with her?_ The slayer had no qualms about getting fucked, and immediately followed the mage's directions to lie down and spread her legs. She couldn't understand why he wasted time licking and sucking her upper thoracic area, and growled as she lifted him up and placed him between her legs. The wizard finally got down to business, and the slayer started panting as he moved in and out of her. He began thrusting harder, and the she felt herself on the verge of coming. In a short time, her howls filled the room when she orgasmed. Dimly, the slayer was aware of the little mage shrieking, but she was satisfied and tuned the noise out.

"What a rush!" Thima said as she shifted back to her own form. That had actually been fun. "Wha's th' matter wi' ye Eddie?" She said as she saw the wizard curled up in a little ball and moaning.

"I think you broke it off," he said in between moans.

"Huh?" Thima said as she walked over to Edwin. "Ya mean yer cock? Demon muscles too strong fer ya?"

"It felt like being ground between two rocks. I'll never be the same again."

"Don' be so dramatic. It jus' needs a little healin'," Thima said without much sympathy. "Wan' me ta go get Jaheira?"

"Don't you dare bring that druid here," Edwin said with panic in his voice.

"Kiddin' Eddie. Here, this potion of healin' should help." Thima said as she handed him the potion. "Told ya' it was a bad idea."

The next morning Imoen asked Thima why Edwin was walking so funny.

"Do ya really wan' ta know?" Thima asked, then whispered in Imoen's ear after she said yes.

Imoen blanched in horror at Thima's blunt explanation, and ran to Anomen. "I cannot understand where my sister's depraved behaviour comes from," she moaned. "Really, sometimes I can't believe we grew up in the same place."

"My dear lady," Anomen said as he bowed to Imoen. "Rest assured, your own exemplary virtue is in no way diminished by your relationship to Thima. The greater good demands we overlook the lack of morals around us, and tend to the task at hand."


	7. The Druid and the Dwarf / Finale

_I'm gettin' tired of people tryin' ta kill me_ , Thima thought as she sulked in a makeshift campsite. _I thought it would be all over after we offed that Irenicus an got my soul back, but no, now I got a group of other Bhaalspawn tryin' ta kill me. Course I've gotta kill them first, already got th' giant an' the dragon. In th' meantime I gotta listen ta th' fool priest moonin' over Imoen._ She winced as Anomen started in on another poem to his lady love.

"My lady fair," he cooed. "With hair so soft and er ... pink. At your feet let me stay and your beauty drink."

"Imoen," Thima said after the priest left to find firewood. "Ye don' know what yer missin' by not bein' courted by a real man. Why don' ya let Eddie here teach ya what yer supposed ta do wi' a man?"

"Huh?" Edwin said as he looked up. "Oh yes, I could do that."

Imoen only paled and ran away. Thima shook her head and looked over at Edwin.

"Yer gonna have ta' talk ta' th' priest Eddie."

Edwin grumbled, but Thima insisted, and he took Anomen aside to try talking to him. The priest fainted before Edwin had even really begun. He looked over at Thima and shrugged. _Them two are gonna die virgins_ , she thought. Feeling sad for her sister, Thima went for a stroll. She had not gone far when she saw Korgan stroking his beard as he crouched behind some bushes by a stream. _Oh, tha's right,_ Thima remembered, _Jaheira said she was gonna bathe. Might as well let Korgan dream._ She turned to leave, but noticed Korgan strip and run forwards. _Wha' th' hell is he doin'?_

Thima was soon hiding in the same place Korgan had been. She saw Jaheira standing in the stream washing her hair. Korgan had jumped in downstream from her and was making his way towards Jaheira, grinning foolishly. _Jaheira's gonna kill him this time,_ Thima thought. _Too bad, Korgan's real handy in a fight. Hey wha's she doin'?_ Jaheira had turned around as Korgan came up behind her, and suddenly ducked under the water. Thima strained to see if Korgan was dead yet, but he looked shocked and, happy? _I don' believe it,_ Thima gasped, _she's blowin' him! Oh Jaheira, ye's underwater, ya can' breathe. When's she gonna come up for air?_ Jaheira soon surfaced and draped herself over a sunken log as Korgan entered her from behind. _I don' believe this,_ Thima thought again as she watched Korgan humping Jaheira. The moans that drifted up to Thima, and the sight of Korgan's cock slamming into Jaheira's ass, made Thima unbelievably horny.

Thima jumped up from her hiding place and ran back to the campsite. Gasping for breath, she looked around. Anomen was once again reciting poetry to Imoen.

"Where's Eddie?" Thima asked desperately.

"He wandered off that way," Imoen said waving a hand. "He said something about getting away from all the noise." Thima didn't hear the last part as she was already heading in Edwin's direction.

"Need cock now!" Thima grunted as she came up to Edwin. She didn't give him any time to answer but pushed him over onto his back and immediately started opening the startled wizard's robes. His penis soon sprang to attention and Thima mounted him quickly. She moaned and came almost at once. Sighing with relief, she leaned forwards and kissed him, sucking his tongue into her mouth. Thima leaned back and smiled as she slowly rocked back and forth. Edwin brought his hands to her breasts and started caressing them through her shirt. Thima slid up and down his thick shaft, and soon he was gripping her hips and thrusting upwards. Thima squeezed his cock, and he came with a groan.

"What brought that on?" Edwin asked Thima a while later as she rested on top of him.

"Korgan finally nailed Jaheira," Thima answered, smiling down at him.

"And you were spying on them?"

"Yep."

"Should I thank them?"

Thima thought for a moment. "Better not say anythin' ta Jaheira. Ye can pat Korgan on th' head if ya wan'."

"Which head?" He asked innocently.

"Don' be crude Eddie."

xxxxxxxxxx

It was not long before the last two Bhaalspawn, the drow woman and the self-righteous monk, were eliminated by Thima. Now they had one more night to spend together, before the final battle for the Bhaal essence was fought in the morning.

"This is it people!" Thima announced. "Let's eat, drink, and screw, fer tomorrow we're probably all gonna die."

"With a wizard of my standing at your side?" Edwin protested. "Nonsense, we'll take down that Melissan broad with no trouble at all."

"Maybe yer right, Eddie. But that doesn' mean we can' still screw like it's our last fuck ever," Thima said as she went over to Edwin and blew lightly in his ear. _It's been a weird time,_ she thought, _fightin' all me siblings only ta find out it's Daddy's old girlfriend, Melissan, who's th' big threat. I don' like all th' fightin' even though Eddie gets a hard-on just thinkin' o' those high-level spells he's castin' now. I've never been laid so much in me life._

"Perhaps we should spend the night resting and preparing for the fight tomorrow?" Imoen asked timidly.

"You only weaken yourselves by wasting your strength in such a base manner." Anomen said looking with disapproval at Korgan and Jaheira who were hungrily kissing, and standing so close together that they looked like one (rather odd) creature.

"Ye two should run off somewhere and hold hands or somethin'." Thima said as she wriggled out of her clothes. Imoen and Anomen held identical expressions of distaste and left quickly. She put her arms around Edwin's neck and kissed him as he let his hands rove down her back. He thrust his tongue into her mouth and Thima moaned as she ran her hands through his hair. She raised one leg and wrapped it around him as she rubbed her pussy on his hip. He left her mouth to trail kisses down her neck and eventually started playing with her hardened nipple. Thima gasped and moved forwards when Edwin's fingers found their way to her wet cleft. Her pussy muscles tightened around his fingers when she came. Smiling, Thima cupped his balls and moved down to tend to his stiffening cock. She teased him by repeatedly taking him into her mouth and bringing him to the brink of orgasm then drawing back. "Stop tormentin' me woman!" Edwin groaned.

"But Eddie, it's more fun ta wait," Thima grinned.

"We're losing ground," He said, looking over at the other couple. "Korgan and Jaheira are almost finished round one."

"Amateurs," Thima said as she watched them for a moment. "Hey Jaheira!" Thima yelled when the two took a break. "Don' ye ever do anythin' but doggy-style?"

"Tend to your own affairs, child," Jaheira panted. "And leave me to mine."

"Actually," Thima said, with a grin. "I wanted to ask you if you'd like to trade partners."

"NO!" Edwin and Jaheira said at the same time as Korgan waggled his semi-erect cock in Thima's direction. Edwin's eyes narrowed as he looked at the dwarf. "Don't even think about you ratty-bearded, simian dwarf," he said. "Or there will be a fireball with your name on it."

"Aww," Thima pouted as Edwin grabbed her possessively. She was laughing as he pulled her down to the floor and started thrusting into her. "Slow down Eddie, I was only kiddin'. Ye're all th' man I need." She wrapped her legs around his hips and held on as he pounded his way to an explosive orgasm.

Despite indulging their baser instincts, as Anomen put it, the group still managed to kick Melissan's sorry butt in a huge, fantastic, undescribable, battle. Then things got strange as a big blue solar turned up and started talking about Thima taking all of the Bhaal essence and becoming a god.

"Wha' about Imoen there? Don' she have ta die fer me ta ascend?" Thima asked.

"I could arrange that," Edwin offered.

"Shut up, Eddie, she's me sister, even if she is a prude."

"Can I just give up the essence?" Imoen asked. "I never wanted such evil in me in the first place."

"It can be done." The solar said then sucked the Bhaal essence out of Imoen, making her a mere mortal again. "I could do the same for you, Thima."

"Are ya nuts?" Thima exclaimed. "Ye really think I'd give up th' chance ta be a god? Wha' do ya think, that I'm as looped as Imoen? Course I wanna be a god."

"Quite right," Edwin agreed. "Power should always be taken when offered."

"Yep, so go ahead an' god me already," Thima said, and soon felt her mortality flee from her as she ascended to a higher level. One of the first things she did with her new godhood was to take Edwin as her mortal consort. The two of them managed to make Mystra's relationship with Elminster look positively platonic. Needless to say, Thima and Edwin were perfectly happy.

**Epilogues**

Anomen (and Imoen)

After a (very) long courtship, the priest and the once child of Bhaal were married in an extremely tasteful ceremony. It is rumoured that they have now progressed beyond the hand-holding stage. Although Imoen stoutly denies it, Anomen has blushingly admitted that sometimes they will now hold both hands _at the same time._

Jaheira

Spends her days travelling to different Dwarven settlements. She is enthusiastically doing her bit to improve relations between elves and dwarves.

Korgan

Goes around killing people and screwing women. The usual.

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted fanfiction.net 2005


End file.
